Phollow Phrugh
Amongst the strange and unique characters of the Mansion of Delights is a man named Phollow Phrugh. He came to us last year, as he was fed up of the day to day life - mainly because he was bullied. He told us his story, and we immediately accepted him as one of our own, even if he is very high maintenance. The reason Phollow is very high maintenance is because of his 'condition'. This condition is also why he was bullied in the outside world - we can see why. Phollow's condition has us cleaning up after him daily, and we're even considering building some sort of cleaning robot to, excuse the pun, follow Mr. Phrugh around so he leaves little to no mess in his wake anymore. As you may have guessed, Phollow has a problem with his bowels. He poo's uncontrollably everywhere he goes, and the poo is more severe if he's nervous, anxious, or angry. Phollow told us he was also known back home as the 'phantom farter' - as he'd fart, produce barely any sound in doing so, but seconds later would have diarrhoea running down his legs, much to the amazement (and disgust) of others. For this reason, Phollow looked us up and asked to stay with us permanently. To begin with, we admittedly underestimated his ability to poo so much, and so for a few days this became a real problem. Barry told us he had never seen anything like it before, and demanded he was allowed to wear a gasmask while he cleaned up the mess Phollow Phrugh made. The severity of the poo left around the Mansion differed each hour, with the evenings being generally calm. The mornings, however, were a real struggle not only for Phollow, but also our cleaner team. On waking up, Phollow told us that he poos (instantly, he doesn't have time to reach a toilet) for around five minutes. The sheets he sleeps on must therefore be washed daily, otherwise poo and germ buildup becomes a real problem. We are already in the process of building a new flooring system in Phollow's residence, which will mainly act as draining to filter some of the poo into the sewers but this takes time and money. Last week, there was an incident. One of Phollow's friends gave us an inside tip on Phollow's plan to start using his ridiculous amounts of poo to somehow build poo-weaponry. Firstly, we thought that it wasn't possible, however once we raided Phollow's room, we found pooprints (blueprints for poo-weaponry) in his cabinets. His friend, Mark Skyds, or, as he's more comically known around the Mansion, 'Skyd Marks' gave us a heads up, luckily. Mark said he did so because Phollow had been acting 'differently' lately, and he was sure that his estranged friend was up to something fishy. After the raid, we called Phollow Phrugh to Cronus' office to explain himself. He had no good reason for all the poo-plotting, however Hugh seemed to take his side a lot during the discussion (which did, at times, turn into an argument). Phollow was banished from the Mansion, and was told he was allowed freedom in the sewers. This way, he could interact with faeces however he wanted, and it wasn't our problem to clean it up anymore. Phollow wasn't happy with the decision, but agreed it was for the best. Now if only we could find those pooprints...